Confessions
by Inu-kanna
Summary: Everything was my fault. You see it was my idea to make her jealous, I thought that if I started dating lavender then she would realize how much she loved me, and come running to me, arms open. What a foolish idea right. Well that’s my downfall I guess.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; I don't even own the computer I'm typing on.

**Music Suggestion:** The song I suggest you to listen to while reading this fanfic is Decembers by Hawthorne Heights. It's the song that inspired me to write this story. If you have it, it's a really nice song. If not, then I'm sorry.

**Chapter 1**

Everything was my fault. I'm the reason why everything did not work out. The reason I sit here every night dreaming of what could have been. I know it's my problem, but it's something I just can't solve. Maybe I could have, back when it happened, but now? It's just too late. You see it was my idea to make her jealous, I thought that if I started dating lavender then she would realize how much she loved me, and come running to me, arms open. What a foolish idea right. Well that's my downfall I guess. See, I should tell you the reason I was in such a dilemma. I'm in love with a girl, but not just any girl. She was the Pinnacle of Perfection, something I could only dream of having. In one word she was perfect. There was nothing about her that I didn't love. The way she always giggled when she laughed. How she would yell at me and call me a stupid git almost everyday. I guess you could call me pathetic cause I was hopelessly in love with her.

I bet your wondering what I did that was so stupid. Well, if you care, the making her jealous part worked wonderfully, until it went too far. I'd like to clear my name by saying that I never planned on sleeping with lavender, in fact I never did. And if you had seen what Hermione did, you might have stopped talking to me too. You see lavender was mad at me. When I would not sleep with her she asked if I loved her, and I said no. You wouldn't think I could get in trouble for telling the truth, but you are so wrong. So there she was straddled over me on the couch making funny crying noises, which, I'm sad to say kind of sounded like screams. And that's when Hermione walked in. So can't you see the Dilemma? I'm not sure if she was embarrassed or just terribly mad at me, but that was the last day I ever remember when Hermione was still my friend. I'm brave enough now to say I cried, but if you asked me back then I would have denied the whole story.

Sometimes, late at night when everyone was sleeping, I would sneak out side my room and just sit in the corridor staring at the dormitory door, wishing every night that, maybe, just maybe, she would do the same. As the months went on I continued to sit, staring at that door. It was the closest I could ever get to her, and it kept me alive every day just knowing that she was behind that door. I know some people might call me a stalker, or Obsessed, But I still go with passionate. I was so in love with her and too much of a foolish git to admit it, that the most I could do was just sit there, every night, doing the same thing over and over again.

Our 7th year was almost over when Harry finally caught on to what I was doing, or so I thought. Apparently he had known I had been doing this for quite some time, Because the first thing that he uttered was "Ron, just come back to bed, it's not worth it" This is the point where I almost ruined another friendship, luckily Harry doesn't take my crap and still talked to me afterward. I guess that's where we are different, because personally, I would never have talked to myself again. The reason? Well I blew up in his face, yelling at him telling him how he doesn't understand why I sit there every night, why I can't leave that spot. I'm sure I slipped a couple of cuss words in there every now and then. Ok, maybe every other word. The next thing I realized was that everyone was awake, running out of the dormitories. Including Hermione, who looked just so radiant. Even if her hair was all messed up and she was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she took my breath away. I couldn't control myself any longer; I grabbed her by the waist kissed her on the lips and told her I loved her, right there and then in front of all those people. That is what I desperately wanted to write there. But that's not what happened, I just stormed off like a stupid git back to my bed, and tried to pretend that everything was ok, when I knew it wasn't.

You might not believe this but I did try to tell her how I felt, but it just never worked. I would always choke at the last minute or she had a boyfriend. What hurt the most is when on my nightly routine of staring at her door I would realize that sometimes she was not in there. How? Well because sometimes, Late at night, I'd see her stumble thought the portrait hole with another boy on her arm. It's all right; I'm not an idiot I knew what they did. And I'd be lying if I didn't say it hurt me to see that. It did, more then you could ever imagine. But I couldn't blame her, I could only blame my self, if I had only told her I loved her maybe that would be me there tangled up in her arms. But this was real life and not another dream of mine, not even close. To tell you the truth, I never have had sex, I think most men might think I'm psycho but I don't care. She's the only person I would ever want to sleep with, ever. And I don't see the point in sleeping around. Most people tell me it will help me get over her, but the truth is I don't want to. Why would I ever want to get over her?

Love is a funny thing, it tends makes you act crazy. I don't recall ever sleeping back then, in Hogwarts I mean. All I ever remember was sitting in bed dreaming of what could be and sitting out side her door. Come to think of it I think I was obsessed. But not with her body or anything gross like that, but what she represented. How she made me fell when I was around her. How just one small touch, could make my entire body quiver. I don't know if she ever knew she has this power over me. I swear if she told me to kill myself I would have done it if it had made her happy. I would have without a second thought. That's why I never got in between any of her relationships, cause I knew that if she was happy that was enough for me. Even if it would never be with me that all that mattered. I wanted her to be happy, and I think I even knew then, that it would never be with me.

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Yay! You made it to the end, I'm so proud of you. And yes i know it seems short and it sort if is but thats only because it has no talking in it. If you really want to know there are more chapters. The next chapter is in beta testing right now. I would never just leave you hanging like that… hehe ok so maybe I would. Lol j/k

Please Read and Review, I would really appreciate it, and if you have any suggestions that could make my writing better please tell me. It would help a lot thanks.


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